Anger Is A Feeling Too: An exploration of emotional work and the effects of gender based Emotional Language Competency development in heterosexual relationships

Abstract

In order to maintain or regain harmony in a romantic relationship, couples must carry out emotional work. It is possible that this work is not equitably distributed across both partners. A number of emotions have been gendered and stigmatized within society over the evolution of humanity with significant impact on romantic couples. Sadness for example, is typically considered a feminine emotion, as it is “softer”, whereas anger is often considered a masculine emotion because it’s “tougher”. This delineation follows in romantic relationships with females expressing softer emotions and males expressing tougher ones. Emotions are a normal part of human experience. Emotional Language Competency (ELC) and Emotional Work (EW) are constructs that are important to explore within the context of a heterosexual romantic coupleship. This study examines the importance of ELC and EW within heterosexual romantic coupleships and the effects of gendering emotions on coupleships and the individuals within those couples. 30 heterosexual couples were interviewed, exploring their use of emotional language and how comfortable they felt using language to communicate about emotions. Another factor that was studied was the perception of stigmas in relation to emotions. A content analysis performed on the transcribed interview data revealed four themes: (Theme 1) Rates of expression of emotion are higher in females than in males, (Theme 2) Emotion is highly gendered; anger and frustration are acceptable for males even to the point of violence, (Theme 3) The only model of healthy/safe emotional expression is currently a female one; males feel more comfortable expressing emotion around females (especially in coupleships) and (Theme 4) Emotional equality and equity is desired by all and the steps necessary to achieve it.